Traditionally when a man wants to get a women into bed, he “romances” her.
He uses scented candles, delicious food, good wine, and saxophone-y background music. He tries to woo her into a state of harmonic bliss wherein his true intentions may go unnoticed…
He waits patiently, knowing there will be a moment when she is so intoxicated with the pleasantness of her experience, with the sensuality of her surroundings, that his own kisses will surreptitiously blend in to\ the other delicacies assailing her. He thinks himself clever. She enjoys drawing out the inevitable. And then, after much idle chatter, perhaps an innuendo or two for good measure, the game becomes too intense for either player to control alone…
So, finally, he wins. She reclines into the plethora of pillows, rose petals, and silk scarves he’s so carefully positioned around her. She is transformed into the temptress of his dreams…lifting her skirt, biting her lip, opening herself up for his pleasure…
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The Big Question: Why does it work? Why are cheap romance novels filled with this “crap“? What’s the secret behind candlelight and cheesy music?!!!
The Big Answer: It Gets Her Out of Her “Daily Routine” and Into Her “Fantasy“!
Women Need to be Mentally Turned On First
By far, women are more mental when it comes to sex. (Of course men think about sex a lot, but not in the same way as women do.) For most women to become sexually excited they literally *need* to mentally fantasize before and during the sexual experience. Without this running story, or bits of stories, most women won’t feel that tingly, passionate, “turned-on” feeling. In fact, women can physically become excited (wet, dilated pupils, increased circulation, etc.) and even achieve orgasm without ever feeling “turned on.” The duality between mental sexual excitement and physical sexual excitement doesn’t appear to be mirrored in men. Although some men have reported feeling this type of disconnect, it is a rarity, whereas for most women, it is the norm.
This disconnect is one reason why women have gained a reputation for being sexually fickle, confusing, and not liking sex as much as men. It’s certainly not that women don’t enjoy sex - but they have to be completely into the experience first - which can be very difficult to achieve. Everything from daily stressors to interfering thoughts have the potential to “turn her off.” One of the most common complaints women have is that during sex a very non-sexy thought will uncontrollably pop into her head, such as the laundry, which causes her excitement to plummet. Unfortunately, nothing can really be done about these random thoughts, but creating an “out of the ordinary” environment does help to refocus her attention on more “pressing” matters…
That’s why “romance” works. Anything that gets her imagination running in a sensual direction will be good for her/your sex life. A surprise dinner, a new dress, a “mystery” evening, a massage, will all help her to stop thinking about her next assignment at work and to start thinking about how wonderful the edges of your teeth feel as they graze along her thighs!
“Romance” is Not the Same for All Women!
It’s important to remember that different women will enjoy different “attention getters.” For example, the traditional candles may work for some women, but not for others. Ways to get her attention range from soothing caresses to rough hair-pulling. (Yes, there are many women who *enjoy* this type of foreplay but please don’t try it on just anyone! You have to know she’ll like this first!) The key here is to know your partner, know her fantasies, and know what will shift her frame of mind.
Now Turn On Her Body
Which leads us to the next step. Now that you have her mental attention, you have to focus her mind on her body and its sensations. There are so many different ways to do this that piles and piles of books have been written to guide you in this endeavor.
What you want to do is make her experience her senses - the smell of incense, the taste of strawberries, the sound of a whip - anything. Needless to say this step can be very creative (blocking certain senses to magnify others is also a great game, think blindfolds, headphones, etc.).
Once she is fully in her body, fully out of her mundane thinking and submersed in the world you have created for her, her attention will most likely shift to you all by itself. Every time you breath, she’ll notice how warm your breath is against her cheek. Every time you whisper, it’ll be as though you’ve surrounded her, engulfed her. She’ll want to be consumed by you…Desperately Consumed…
At this point she’ll be completely attuned to you (as hopefully you are to her), and sex will no longer be a series of thrusts and grunts, but an actual exchange. Sexuality taken to this intense level is what most women think of when they dream and fantasize about sex. If anything, rather than being less sexual than men, women want it so much that they are less willing to accept the “boring ho-hum” variety and are more likely to say “no” to sex more often because of it. In fact, when women are completely turned on, they often don’t want to stop the sexual encounter, but would prefer to keep it up for hours on end, having orgasm after orgasm. Turn her on the right way, and she is likely to wear you out with the ferocity of her sexual appetite.
Things to Remember:
1) “Romance” is getting her attention away from her “every day” thoughts. Romantic techniques that work are different for every woman.
2) Capture her imagination, then remind her how wonderfully sensuous she is!
3) Once you’ve turned her on both mentally and physically make sure you’ve set aside enough time to enjoy the power, intensity, and stamina of her sexuality.
4) Be creative, and ENJOY HER.
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