I was watching a BBC show the other night and somehow the topic of hickeys came up. One man, probably in his forties, said "Yeah, I remember what a big deal hickeys were as a teenager...But adults don't give hickeys do they? I suppose it would be weird as an adult."
When I heard this I was a bit taken aback, mainly because I'd never thought of it before. (A sex topic I hadn't thought about?! Really?!) So of course, I began to wonder...How do adults feel about giving and receiving hickeys? First of all, let's be clear about what a hickey, otherwise known as a "love bite," is. According to the all-knowing and all-powerful Wikipedia, a hickey is a "temporary mark or bruise on one's skin resulting from kissing or sucking or biting forcefully enough to burst blood vessels beneath the skin." Mmmmm, sounds sexy doesn't it? A bruise!
This is perhaps the only kind of bruise that lovers routinely inflict upon each other without sending up the little red warning flags of abuse. (Yes I realize bruising can also be a side effect of many rougher types of mutually pleasurable sex play such as spanking...but let's stick to hickeys for now, shall we?)
So the ideas behind this man's statement were:
1) Teenage lovers give and get hickeys all the time
2) Adults do not give or get hickeys
3) Adults that do give or get hickeys are "weird"
Breaking this down, we can ask the question "why" to each of his assumptions.
Number One, why do teenagers give and get so many hickeys? My guess is that hickeys are a result of great sexual passion having no where else to go. Because teenagers are generally discouraged from actually going through with sex, all that kissing and petting builds an enormous amount of sexual passion. Since that passion can't be channeled into the normally energetic and vigorous thrusting sexual gyrations, it's released via the strong and intimate act of sucking and biting on each other's skin in an overly zealous manner...Hence the bruising. Does that make sense to you? It does in my head.
Number Two, why don't we see more adults walking around with red, black, and blue marks on various parts of their anatomies? Again, the answer could be exactly the same as discussed above. Because adults usually do go "all the way," as sexual tension grows to the point of wanting to tear each other to pieces, penetration of some kind usually ensues...channeling those crazy desires into the intensity of the sex act itself. So, instead of biting and sucking each other to death, we f*ck each other instead...And f*cking doesn't leave behind any tell-tale hickeys for the world to see. (Adults are deceptive little creatures, aren't they?)
And finally, Number Three, why are hickey toting adults weird? The answer to this goes a little beyond the previous two. The logic might go, as an adult you can have sex, so why the need for hickeys? Or maybe, as an adult you should "know" better than to leave an inappropriate mark! After all, what will your boss think come Monday morning? A big sign on your neck that says "I had a lot of sex this weekend and I may be a crazy-sex-freak" is certainly not good PR for your firm. And lastly, adults who have hickeys might seem irresponsible and immature simply because a hickey will associate with adolescence in the minds of many adult onlookers. So, I can see where Mr. BBC Man was coming from.
On the other hand...
I don't think an adult who gives or gets hickeys should be considered "weird" at all! I think a hickey symbolizes passion-play between lovers, and can actually be a sign of a great adult sexual relationship. After all, for many adults the intense build-up to sex fades with time until sex becomes a routine set of behaviors that may not even be remotely "passionate."
If you still want to have sex with your long-time partner so much that you feel the need to consume them all at once, and that need manifests itself into a highly pleasurable round of erogenous-zone neck/shoulder sucking resulting in a few unfortunately placed hickeys, then good for you!
Plus, placing your sexual "mark" on a partner can be extremely satisfying. It must be a throwback to our most primitive cave-man style decelerations of ownership-love. A hickey screams to the world "Yes I am having sex with this person and No you can not touch them or I will beat you to death." In a way, this symbol goes straight past our logical cultured thoughts to our emotions. If you want to tell a sexual rival to "back-off" I think a hickey will work much better than wedding ring in most circumstances!
In conclusion: Adults, Enjoy your Hickeys!
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