Can Someone Really Love You AND Hit You?

Photo Kindly Provided By: A. Kaye Photo - The Art of Women

Nelli, one of my favorite fellow bloggers, wrote a post today asking exactly this question. Because I enjoyed her post so very much, I left a rather lengthy comment and thought I'd share it with you. Below is the comment, but be sure to check out the original post here.

What Do You Think?!

"Hi Nelli, I agree this is a great topic and one that is very emotionally heated. Do I think you can hit someone you love? YES. Do I think that justifies it or justifies staying in such a relationship? NO.

At the core, we are animals. As much as we try to hide it, deny it, cover it up with fluffy moral chatter, we are designed to react violently to certain situation. I know this is a very unpopular view, but I do think that you can truly love someone, and given the right situation, hurt them physically.

You mentioned cheating as an example. Catching your beloved with someone else, or learning about it afterward, can trigger very deeply held emotions that are not governed by our pre-frontal cortex, the logical, thinking part of our brain. Essentially, the rational part of our brain can be over ridden by other parts - such as the limbic system which largely governs our emotional reactions, potentially leading to violence. Hence the "temporary insanity" plea (which I agree is very over used!).

However, knowing and understanding this does not justify staying in an abusive relationship because there are a lot of people who do have a great ability to "control" themselves. No one should stay with a partner who has hit them in the past. If they've already demonstrated an inability to inhibit their violent reactions once, they will undoubtedly do it again under high emotional stress.

But just because someone hits you, does not necessarily mean they do not "really" love you.

For the record - Sex and violence have a very strong connection to each other in almost all species of animals that use sex as a means of reproduction. Of course sex between people can be wonderfully soft, gentle, and romantic...But sex does have a much rougher side that can't and shouldn't be ignored. Although rape is certainly something that should be punished, there is some truth behind the idea that men are just sexually aggressive. Not to mention that most women have fantasies about being dominated to varying degrees...even being raped. Again I am not condoning rape in any way, but I want to point out that sexual power dynamics are always present and are often very arousing."

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abuse, adult, advice, domestic, opinion, rape, sex, sexuality, sexy, speak sexy, violence