How to Shave and Care for Your Favorite Vagina

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But First, a Little Story...

I remember the first time a man ever asked me to shave my vagina. I was in ninth grade, he was in tenth. We were innocently watching a movie together in his room when one thing led to another and before I knew it his sneaky fingers were down my pants. We had an exhilarating fingering session, the threat of being caught "red-handed" by a supervisory adult adding to the heat of the moment.

Then we heard it. His mother calling us to dinner. The hand was immediately gone and our clothes were hurriedly straightened. After a few deep breaths to wash the tell-tale color from our cheeks, we headed for the dining room. Dinner. Silly chatting. Time to go home.

As we were getting our coats, he pulled me into an empty room for the last of our nightly stolen kisses. He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, romantically gazed into my eyes and said, "Would you shave everything for me?"

The next few seconds seemed like an eternity as I tried to reconcile what I thought he was going to say with what exactly he meant by what he did say! In my naivety it honestly took me a while to connect the dots. Then it hit me, and I must have turned all shades of red. What kind of girl did he think I was, asking me to do something as scandalous as that?! I was both furious and curiously aroused at his request.

Turns out he was right about me. I was exactly that kind of girl...Or would be in a couple more years. By the time I was a senior in high school shaving "down there" was as routine as brushing my teeth. Too bad he was long gone by then...


The Easy-to-Do, No-Itching, No-Bumps Guide to Shaving Your Favorite Vagina:

Step 1: Trim everything down to a manageable length for shaving - usually a quarter inch (1 cm) or less is good.

Step 2: Spend a few minutes soaking in a tub of warm (not too hot!) water or standing under a warm shower.

Although it might seem easy to skip this step, don't! The warm water makes skin softer and more pliant. You'll get a much closer shave and a lot less irritation than if you try to shave right away. Using bath oils to help moisturize the sensitive skin is also a great idea!

Step 3: Use a specialized shaving cream that is designed for those extra special parts of the body.

Not only are these shaving creams designed to be extra gentle, they are formulated to help reduce razor burn - which is exactly what causes those icky red bumps and itchy skin. Trust me, when you run your silky smooth vagina up and down his thigh you want it to be for completely sexual purposes - not because you literally have an itch that needs scratching! Enjoy the lathering process, it's a great "excuse" to rub yourself (or your partner) in all the right places...

Step 4: Shave in the direction of the hair growth, and then in the opposite direction.

This really does make the process easier since almost all of the hair is gently removed with the first shave. Shaving against the direction of the hair growth evens out the shave, makes it as smooth as possible, and decreases the chance of ingrown hairs. If you start off by shaving against the hair you'll be more likely to irritate the skin.

**Also, when shaving the outer lips I find it helpful to make a "V" shape with my first and middle fingers,placing one on the inner lip and the other at the crease of my thigh. This spreads the outer lip taught, making the shaving surface flatter while protecting the inner lip from accidental cuts.

Step 5: Rinse with warm water and apply an extra-sensitive moisturizer to the entire area.

Again, don't skip this step! Applying a moisturizer immediately after the shave will help to prevent excessive dryness. Plus, many of these moisturizers have wonderfully alluring scents and some go as far as being edible...But for the life of me I can't imagine why anyone would want that...

Step 6: Enjoy your perfectly smooth, luxuriously silky lips to the fullest while they last.

Because as we all know, it won't be long before you'll need to shave all over again. But somehow I think you'll find a way to turn this chore into a sensually naughty treat!

You May Be Interested In:

Expert Guide to Oral Sex: Cunnilingus - DVD
Worship me - Lotion
Coochy protection - Sensual bath
Coochy shave creme - Cream
Oral sex! - Adult game

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Shower Indulgence
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Anal Bleaching, All the Cool Kids are Doing It!

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And by Cool Kids I mean porn stars, strippers, celebrities, and your kinky next door neighbor. Until a few days ago I'd never heard of anal bleaching. Apparently I've been completely missing this, um, "interesting" personal care trend. It's even been mentioned in big time women's magazines like Marie Claire. Since anal shaving and waxing are regular beauty Musts in today's glamorous world, I guess this is the logical next step.

But what exactly is anal bleaching?

For those of you who've been living under a rock like I have, the Urban Dictionary explains anal bleaching as a Cosmetic Technique:

"Whereby strong bleaching solutions like hydroquinones are used to lighten the anal area. This procedure is employed by strippers, body builders, actors and actresses. Seems over time, the butticular area becomes darker (some say it's due to dark foods like coffee, others speculate it's due to staining from the bilirubin content in feces.) Either way, those who aspire to wear butt floss as swimwear or do pole dancing seem to feel a lighter sphincter will improve their image.”

Huh, so it's precisely as it sounds. We should all aspire for anuses that are perfectly blended into the surrounding color of our buttocks skin, or slightly pinker for added emphasis. I don't know about you, but I'm very happy to have something as important as this to worry about! Phew! My life was getting a little too stress-free for my liking.

What Causes the "Offensive" Anal Discoloration in the First Place?

This is point of contention between those who want to position anal bleaching as a health and hygiene issue verses those who want to promote it as a cosmetic beauty treatment. On the Health side, reasons include anal staining due to excessive coffee and soda drinking, as well as poor wiping techniques that smears your you-know-what around instead of actually wiping it away. After years of poor eating habits and bad wiping, the skin around the anus becomes darker. A quick solution is to bleach away the damage, just like we bleach away stains on our teeth (even though it's not actually bleach but a heavy peroxide-based cleaning gel). Once that is accomplished, special "wipes" can be used to keep your anus its new perfect color. Oddly these "special wipes" look just like ordinary "baby wipes" repackaged and sold for a lot more, but who am I to judge?

On the Beauty Treatment side, the main reason given for anal discoloration is genetic. Some people simply have more pigment in that area than others. Personally, I'm on this side of the debate - if we can call it a debate. Just like some people have dark nipples and labia while others have light, some people have dark anuses and some people don't. It seems those who "don't" are winning the underground anal beauty war at the moment...


Where is Everyone Getting These Anal Bleaches?

Upscale salons and spas are starting to offer this treatment more and more. Sure, you have to know where to look and be willing to pay half your yearly income to acquire a wonderful porn-style anus, but it's worth it!

And if you're too embarrassed to go to a salon or spa for this very personal treatment, you can do it by yourself in the comfort of your own home. You have to love the entrepreneurial spirit surrounding this whole thing. Do a quick Google search and you'll find lots of e-shops willing to provide you with all your anal bleaching needs. There's ShopInPrivate.com and even eBay to help you out! (And yes, they sell the Very-Special-Wipes too!)

My Not-So-Humble thought on Anal Bleaching...

Call me crazy, but bending over in front of a mirror and looking between my ass cheeks is not something I do on a regular basis. Sure I give it a check every once in a while, and I'll even go so far as making sure it's silky smooth for those special occasions or when I want to have an extra good time that night...But bleaching?! Thanks but no thanks, I'll keep my anus what ever color my genetics decided it should be.

And for the record, if my sex partner actually cared enough about the color of my ass to have it negatively affect our sex life, I'd seriously consider finding a more open-minded and loving person to play with. "Photoshop" does not make for good sex anyway.

Related Posts:

Getting Anal Sex Right - The First Time

Getting Anal Sex Right - The First Time

This article contains things that may make you feel uncomfortable - including poop. If you will be grossed out or offended, stop reading now. It is intended for mature, open-minded adults only. Thanks.

Anal sex can be tricky to get right, especially the first time. And since it's something many people have questions about, I've decided to write this brief overview of a couple easy-to-do anal techniques. If you or your partner are hesitant about trying anal sex then admirable sex advice bloggers Dan and Jennifer have a nice video aimed at helping you decide if this is something you should try. If you decide it is, then by all means use one or two of the below suggestions. Remember this should be fun. If it feels like a chore or icky or whatever then it's not going to work! Relax!

Note: These techniques are written from a female/male (penetrator) perspective, but can be used on any willing, um, A-Hole of your choice!

Easing Your Way Into Anal Sex

Step 1) You must both be "in the mood" for any anal action to happen! I can't emphasize the importance of being turned on enough. To start, a nice relaxing bath/shower is a wonderful idea. Do what ever it takes to get your partner as excited as she could possibly be. For some women this may be half an hour of oral enticements, for others it may be a kissing marathon, it doesn't matter. But whatever road she chooses, do it until she's literally dripping for you.

I'm not sure how much men do or don't understand this, but there comes a point during prolonged "foreplay" when women feel an urge to have something inside them. No kidding. It goes beyond reasoning and straight to instinct (at least it feels that way!). You'll know when she's reached this blissful state of need, usually because she'll say things like, "Please, God please now!" or "I need you" or, if she's the straight forward type, a simple "Fuck me!" will undoubtedly clue you in.

Step 2) Now you can go ahead and start with the lube. And then More Lube. And then One Finger. Just one to start...You are Not in a hurry! The important thing for the woman is to stay relaxed and uninhibited. You can help with this by keeping up other sexual stimulation (like circling her clit with the fingers of your other hand, or kissing her deeply...The main point is to distract her from your One Finger). By doing this sensations will start to blend together for her, and she'll actually enjoy the New Sensation rather than feeling afraid of it. If she's doing great and still begging you for more, try inserting a second finger. This is when it may become a bit painful, so go slowly and let her tell you when enough is enough.

*Some people prefer putting a condom or latex glove on their fingers before anal penetration. It's healthier in terms of keeping the bad bacteria where it should be, and makes penetration a little smoother.*


Step 3) Congratulations, you're ready for the big moment! But wait, before you go plowing into anything just yet, make sure you're wearing a condom and very well lubed up. Even if you've been married for ten years and never use condoms, do it this time. The bacteria in that particular part of her delectable anatomy can cause your most precious pecker a not-so-precious infection. Consider yourself warned.

And like the rest of this journey, your mantra should be "Go Slowly!" In fact, why not let her be on top? If she is willing, the woman-on-top position is the best for first time anal sex because she can control the pace and depth. It also puts less stress on the sphincter which means it's be more comfortable for her and less likely to cause small tears/bleeding due to the inevitable stretching. Once you're in and out a few "painfully" slow times, she'll probably get used to the new sensations and set a pace that's good for you both.

If you both made it happily this far, great job!

Step 4) Clean up. Once your orgasmic fantasy sex is over, please take a moment to wash up with soap and dispose of everything carefully.


Now That You've Read the Do's, Here are a Couple Important Don'ts:

1) If something goes wrong please don't be embarrassed to go to a doctor asap! Anal sex, especially if done roughly, can cause real medical problems. If she experience abdominal pain, bleeding more than just a small toilet "wipe," or if he experiences itching, burning, etc. go to the doctor!! Trust me, it won't be the first time they've seen this stuff.

2) Don't make a big deal about the "brown" on the condom - if there is any. Be an adult and don't embarrass the person that just allowed you into her most sensitive place! This will certainly be the first and the last time if you do.

One way to avoid this is to try and go to the bathroom a few hours before the intended sex - but this is admittedly hard to control. Other people use water enemas to "clean out" the passage...But that's a whole other post in itself.

3) Don't expect to complete the entire process on your first try. It takes most women a lot of time to get ready for this (mentally, physically, and emotionally) so expect to break down the steps into a few sessions that build up. For example, try one finger the firs time and then continue with your "regular" sex routine. Try two fingers the next time, etc. Building it up in this way will make it seem less scary and more approachable. Be willing to talk through any of the fears or discomforts that come up.

4) Don't expect anal sex to be an every-time-sex kind of thing. Even if you both had an excellent time, many women like to save anal sex for "extra special" occasions. Then again, a few women love it so much they want it that way or no way...But those are the exceptions.

That's it. I hope this was helpful to you. If I missed something, or you have another technique that you've tried and loved, leave a comment and let us know!

Little Indulgences in a Busy World

Like many of you, it's not often that I get to truly indulge in hours of uninterrupted sex play, or hours of relax-time for that matter. I've found that if I'm going to have any "unnecessary" (though well deserved!) treats, I have to squeeze them in during other, more mundane daily tasks. Add to these stolen moments a bit of "uncalled for" sensuality, and I might just get myself worked up enough during the day to want a little lusty relief come bedtime.

To this end my little indulgences act as mini-auto-erotic-foreplay-techniques. My husband isn't involved and my fantasies do a lot of the work, but ultimately he gets to enjoy an surprisingly turned-on wife in the evening.

One of the easiest (and my favorite) way to bring a little sexy into my life is during my shower. No, it's not what you're thinking - the "massaging" shower head is not involved - OK, maybe sometimes it's involved - Of course it's better when it's involved - But I digress! (Ahem)

I'm talking about the soap! I know most people don't really care what soap they use, and usually grab the cheapest one in the supermarket by default as they scramble around to find the eggs...But not me. I take my time with soap. I go to specialty stores that make creamy, lathery, delicious blends of the yummiest scents. In particular I choose ones that smell like men, heady, musky, dark...

That way when I'm in the shower at 6 AM, still half-asleep in my dream-like world, not yet stressed with thoughts of the upcoming day or my responsibilities...I wrap myself up in steaming hot water. I close my eyes and pay attention to the way it feels cascading over my shoulders, down my breasts, between my thighs...And then - only then - do I reach for the soap. It's like the chocolate fudge on a sinful bowl of ice cream. It's what makes it all worth while.

As soon as the soap mixes with the water, and the lather begins to build, slippery and warm between my fingers, I am rewarded with a burst of masculine scent that captivates my sleepy mind and steers it in one wicked direction after another. Rubbing the rich soap into my skin, over my most sensitive parts, is like wrapping myself up in a man's arms, his kisses...It's easy to imagine a lover's silky tongue instead of my own fingers, burying my face against his neck and inhaling deeply of his cologne...Taking the scent into my body as he consumes me inside and out...

But then, in moments that seem too fleeting, the soap begins to wash away. My little indulgence slips as the milky suds slide down the drain. Sometimes I'm breathless with desire, forlorn to see my secret sensuality spinning around my feet and disappearing into the abyss...And on those mornings, when the night seems like an eternity away, when I'm aching to be played with, needing to overwhelmed...

I sadly reach out to turn off the massaging fingers of my lover, glance up at the source of his caresses...and pause. Knowingly I smile, and unhinge the shower-head...

Some showers are better than others.

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Does Candlelight and Romantic Music Really Work?

Traditionally when a man wants to get a women into bed, he “romances” her.

He uses scented candles, delicious food, good wine, and saxophone-y background music. He tries to woo her into a state of harmonic bliss wherein his true intentions may go unnoticed…

He waits patiently, knowing there will be a moment when she is so intoxicated with the pleasantness of her experience, with the sensuality of her surroundings, that his own kisses will surreptitiously blend in to\ the other delicacies assailing her. He thinks himself clever. She enjoys drawing out the inevitable. And then, after much idle chatter, perhaps an innuendo or two for good measure, the game becomes too intense for either player to control alone…

So, finally, he wins. She reclines into the plethora of pillows, rose petals, and silk scarves he’s so carefully positioned around her. She is transformed into the temptress of his dreams…lifting her skirt, biting her lip, opening herself up for his pleasure…

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The Big Question: Why does it work? Why are cheap romance novels filled with this “crap“? What’s the secret behind candlelight and cheesy music?!!!

The Big Answer: It Gets Her Out of Her “Daily Routine” and Into Her “Fantasy“!

Women Need to be Mentally Turned On First

By far, women are more mental when it comes to sex. (Of course men think about sex a lot, but not in the same way as women do.) For most women to become sexually excited they literally *need* to mentally fantasize before and during the sexual experience. Without this running story, or bits of stories, most women won’t feel that tingly, passionate, “turned-on” feeling. In fact, women can physically become excited (wet, dilated pupils, increased circulation, etc.) and even achieve orgasm without ever feeling “turned on.” The duality between mental sexual excitement and physical sexual excitement doesn’t appear to be mirrored in men. Although some men have reported feeling this type of disconnect, it is a rarity, whereas for most women, it is the norm.

This disconnect is one reason why women have gained a reputation for being sexually fickle, confusing, and not liking sex as much as men. It’s certainly not that women don’t enjoy sex - but they have to be completely into the experience first - which can be very difficult to achieve. Everything from daily stressors to interfering thoughts have the potential to “turn her off.” One of the most common complaints women have is that during sex a very non-sexy thought will uncontrollably pop into her head, such as the laundry, which causes her excitement to plummet. Unfortunately, nothing can really be done about these random thoughts, but creating an “out of the ordinary” environment does help to refocus her attention on more “pressing” matters…

That’s why “romance” works. Anything that gets her imagination running in a sensual direction will be good for her/your sex life. A surprise dinner, a new dress, a “mystery” evening, a massage, will all help her to stop thinking about her next assignment at work and to start thinking about how wonderful the edges of your teeth feel as they graze along her thighs!

“Romance” is Not the Same for All Women!

It’s important to remember that different women will enjoy different “attention getters.” For example, the traditional candles may work for some women, but not for others. Ways to get her attention range from soothing caresses to rough hair-pulling. (Yes, there are many women who *enjoy* this type of foreplay but please don’t try it on just anyone! You have to know she’ll like this first!) The key here is to know your partner, know her fantasies, and know what will shift her frame of mind.

Now Turn On Her Body

Which leads us to the next step. Now that you have her mental attention, you have to focus her mind on her body and its sensations. There are so many different ways to do this that piles and piles of books have been written to guide you in this endeavor.

What you want to do is make her experience her senses - the smell of incense, the taste of strawberries, the sound of a whip - anything. Needless to say this step can be very creative (blocking certain senses to magnify others is also a great game, think blindfolds, headphones, etc.).

Once she is fully in her body, fully out of her mundane thinking and submersed in the world you have created for her, her attention will most likely shift to you all by itself. Every time you breath, she’ll notice how warm your breath is against her cheek. Every time you whisper, it’ll be as though you’ve surrounded her, engulfed her. She’ll want to be consumed by you…Desperately Consumed…

At this point she’ll be completely attuned to you (as hopefully you are to her), and sex will no longer be a series of thrusts and grunts, but an actual exchange. Sexuality taken to this intense level is what most women think of when they dream and fantasize about sex. If anything, rather than being less sexual than men, women want it so much that they are less willing to accept the “boring ho-hum” variety and are more likely to say “no” to sex more often because of it. In fact, when women are completely turned on, they often don’t want to stop the sexual encounter, but would prefer to keep it up for hours on end, having orgasm after orgasm. Turn her on the right way, and she is likely to wear you out with the ferocity of her sexual appetite.

Things to Remember:

1) “Romance” is getting her attention away from her “every day” thoughts. Romantic techniques that work are different for every woman.

2) Capture her imagination, then remind her how wonderfully sensuous she is!

3) Once you’ve turned her on both mentally and physically make sure you’ve set aside enough time to enjoy the power, intensity, and stamina of her sexuality.

4) Be creative, and ENJOY HER.

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Faster Condoms

I joined StumbleUpon today and I've been addicted to it ever since. I mean ridiculously addicted. Anyway, here's one of my recent stumbles that I think you might find interesting.

The Pronto Condom

If you go to their website you can see a demo of how to use it. Apparently the act of ripping open a condom package, positioning the condom correctly, and unrolling it takes too long and many people lose their sexual excitement in the process.

This condom takes care of that and makes putting on a condom as easy as it could physically be. All you do is snap the package open and lower it over your penis - no unrolling or finding out which way is correct. It does it all for you. Nice.

The only problem seems to be that it's available in South Africa and no where else. Maybe someone knows of a condom that works exactly the same way but is widely available?

It's worth viewing the demo just to see the coolness of it. As a girl, I'd be freakin' impressed if a guy whipped out one of these and was ready to go before I could blink!

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5 Reasons Why Masturbation is Good for Mothers

I have to start by thanking Kristofer for pointing out that May has been declared National Masturbation Month since 1995 by the wonderful people over at Good Vibrations. How this has slipped by me is anyone's guess, so I'm giving you, my dear reader, my not-so-sincerest apologies for having missed this monumental event in the past.

That being said, this weekend is also Mother's Day, and I think it would be fun to celebrate both events at once. Here goes.

Apparently Masturbation Month was declared as a way of raising awareness about masturbation and taking away the taboos that surrounded this incredibly common, though rarely discussed, practice. Twelve years later, I think masturbation has finally secured its place as an accepted and rather mundane part of almost everyone's life - except perhaps the very conservatively religious among us. Even Christians are finding ways to reconcile their beliefs with masturbation. Because of this, Masturbation Month seems to have transformed into a purely uninhibited celebration of auto-erotic activity. Now, now, calm yourself! I can see the crazy gleam of excitement dancing in your, er, eyes.

And because you guys are a particularly clever lot of blog readers, I'm sure you've already heard about the health benefits of masturbation so I won't bore you with that stuff here. I do, however, want to point out why masturbation is particularly good for wives and mothers, though I realize many mothers are not wives! So without further ado...

Reasons Why Mothers Should Masturbate:

1. Stress Reduction! Yes, masturbation really does relax you, and mothers are some of the most stressed-out people I know! A more relaxed Mom will make the whole family happier. How does that old saying go? "When Mom's not happy, nobody's happy!"
   
2. More Fun For Dad! It seems the more women masturbate, the more open they are to their partner's sexual advances. At first this seems odd. If she's taking care of her "needs" by herself, wouldn't she want less sex? Turns out the answer is no. Now whether that's because masturbating makes women hornier, or horny women masturbate more is for you to decide. Also, women like to have multiple orgasms...Maybe the first one she gives herself is like an appetizer, gearing her up for more action with her man.
   
3. It Promotes Sleep! Mothers are notorious for being in bad moods due to lack of sleep, especially new Moms who wake up frequently to nurse or give bottles during the night. Masturbating at bed time is a perfect way to help your body wind-down from a busy day.
4. Strengthens the Pelvic Floor! Do your Kegels, do your kegels! It's like a mother's mantra during and after pregnancy. Luckily, orgasms are another great way to tone up those inner muscles. This may be one of the only honestly fun kinds of exercise that exists.
5. Did I Already Say Stress Reduction?

Happy Masturbation-Mother's Day Month!!

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5 Ways to Get Her On Top

Photo Kindly Provided By: A. Kaye Photo - The Art of Women

For many heterosexual men having their women in the active, or "on top," position during sex is one of the most physically intense and emotionally gratifying ways to make love. Unfortunately a lot of women are very hesitant to take on this dominant role for two reasons; they don't like their bodies so they don't want their partner's to see any more of their bodies than is necessary and they are afraid they will "do it wrong." Men can help ease these concerns by being aware of how vulnerable being on top makes their woman feel, and by responding with care and sensitivity.

Below are five of the best ways to make your woman feel comfortable about getting on top.

1. Tell Her How Beautiful She Is - I know it sounds trite, but sincerely telling her just how hot, sexy, and gorgeous you think she is while in the heat of the moment will not only make her feel loved, but will give her the confidence she needs to put herself out there. Most on-top positions put the woman's body on display, a large reason why men like them so much. But for a woman who would rather have sex in the dark, having her lover's gaze wander over her "flawed" figure is not an appealing thought. So, try picking specific parts of her body and tell her exactly why it turns you on. The key is to make it personal. Instead of telling her how much breasts in general excite you, tell her why you think her breasts are so sexy. The more personal you make the compliment, the more likely she will be to "show off" her assets for you.
2. Tell Her How Good It Feels - Just as men sometimes suffer from performance anxiety, women are also prone to feeling nervous when taking control of a sexual situation. She may be worried about hurting you, about not living up to your expectations, or about not comparing to your past lovers. Verbally encouraging her to continue and telling her how good what she is doing feels will let her know she is on the right track to pleasing you.The more praise she receives, the more adventurous she will be.
3. Use a Blindfold - If tip number one doesn't work, then get a little kinky and try using a blindfold on her to help ease her insecurities. She will feel better if she can't see you looking at her. Logically this doesn't make any sense, but trust me, emotionally it works. By putting her in the dark she'll be able to relax as though the lights were off, and you'll be able to get the full views you desire. It's a winning situation for everyone. Plus, you might think she's even hotter in the blindfold!
   
4. Have Her Face Away From You - Putting her in positions where she doesn't have to look directly at you may relieve some of her anxiety, especially if she is shy. Even though she may love her body and not mind you ogling it to your heart's content, she may be uneasy opening herself up and being that sexual. Taking on a "passive role" during sex means that little of her own sexual personality has to come through - she can just follow your lead. Being on top, however, forces her to confront her own sexual nature in a very different way. Again, the best thing is for you to be patient, encouraging, and to let her discover her own "groove." After all, you may be surprised to discover your usually delicate partner is a wild cat inside, or you may see a much softer woman emerge from an otherwise assertive lover...
5. Guide Her In The Beginning - Finally, if your woman is really weary about taking control, ease her into it by putting her physically on top but still keeping rhythmic and penetrative control. Put your hands on her hips and have her follow your movements, just like she would if you were on top. This can give some women a feeling of security while getting comfortable with the new positions. Don't be surprised though if after a couple minutes up there she removes your hands and begins to set the pace herself. Once she notices how good you feel in "just that spot" she will undoubtedly take control so that she is pleasing herself...and you in the process of course!

Taking control for the first time sexually is always a bit of an emotional challenge, but these simple suggestions should give your lover the confidence she needs to get on top. Good Luck!

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In His Clothes

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Teddies, Thongs, Garters; I own them all. The purpose of these silky treasures is, of course, to entice my husband. When I want his eyes to light up, I combine thong and skirt. When I want his heart to race, I use the garters. And when I want his jaw to practically fall off, I create a complete ensemble including thong, garters, stockings, and teddie...But this is all to make him want me...

When I'm feeling naughty and want to turn myself on, I use another technique. I do something that makes me feel sensual, sultry, down right edible...I wear my husband's shirts.

For me, nothing compares to the wickedly delicious sensation of surrounding my freshly showered skin in his unmistakably masculine scent. I love the way his cologne clings to the collars, and how small I seem in comparison. I'll press my face into the material, breath deeply, and imagine its his fingertips caressing my nipples as the shirt moves. Sometimes I slip into a thong, other times I prefer to remain naked underneath, not wanting anything to come between us.

His shirt keeps him with me when he's at work, comforts and protects me, makes me think of him with every step I take. I may cook dinner, or watch tv, but his shirt is a constant source of distraction. I can't help my wayward thoughts as they drift from one memory to the next. I think of the way he fucked me in it last time, or that it's missing a button from the time before that. As I run my hands down the front, pressing the cotton to my breasts, down my stomach, I find my fingers drift easily between my thighs...And I am wet.

Sometimes I can't help it, and begin to tease myself, relaxing into a chair or the sofa. I sink easily into a favorite fantasy...He's my captor, I'm tied up...Or I make up new ones as I go. Regardless of the story, the ending is always the same. I stop before cumming. After all, the point is to be ready when he gets home.

So depending on how much time I have, these little excite-and-stop sessions may go on for hours, an entire afternoon. An utter indulgence, I know. Certainly not something I can do everyday...But on those rare occasions when I can, in those stolen moments when nothing else matters but the knowledge that very soon my husband will walk through the door, see me naked and wet in his shirt, and devour me as though his very life depended on it...I don't waste time hesitating.

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The Myth of Two Orgasms

Photo Kindly Provided By: A. Kaye Photo - The Art of Women

"Do Women Really Have Two Different Kinds of Orgasms?"

I recently came across this question posted in a sex forum that I frequent and thought it was a topic that could certainly use some clarification!

There is only one kind of orgasm. The only difference is how an orgasm is triggered. For most women (roughly 70%) orgasm can only be achieved via clitoral stimulation. A much smaller group can have an orgasm via penetration (often referred to as a vaginal orgasm), and a very small group can reach orgasm either way. Then again, some women have orgasms with nipple stimulation alone, or can be "trained" to have an orgasm on command...but this is getting very involved and complicated!

No matter how orgasm is achieved, however, the reaction in the body is the same; increased circulation, respiration, flushing, increased muscular tension, and finally a series of intense vaginal and uterine contractions. The subjective experience of orgasm does differ depending on how it is triggered, varying in intensity, duration, and so forth. These differences in "feeling" have helped to perpetuate the myth of "different kinds" of orgasms.

Historically women were told that the only "real" orgasm was a vaginal one achieved by penetration alone, and that an orgasm brought about by clitoral stimulation was somehow "immature." Yes, we have Freud to thank for this huge misconception. His idea left the vast majority of women thinking there was something wrong with them because they couldn't orgasm just by having penetrative sex with their partners!

Thank goodness the feminists came along, with the help of Masters and Johnson, and set the record straight!

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How to Use Your Penis; Techniques for Large and Small

Every morning my email inbox looks like this:
"Don't be the smallest guy in the room anymore!"
"Try our all natural male enhancers!"
"Pump it up and make her smile!"

Perhaps if I had a penis to begin with that would help. However, since I'm a woman and was conveniently born with a vagina, I find these emails even more intriguing. I know in our collective culture men are often portrayed as having unreasonable obsessions about their relative size, but is it true? Are men really that preoccupied with being bigger than everyone else, and if so, does penis size actually matter to women? Are men's concerns warranted?

Unfortunately many of these questions I can't answer using the wonderfully reliable technique of personal experience, because like I said, I don't own a penis. So, I'll skip right to answering the big question that I am able to shed some light on...Does penis size make that much of a difference to a woman in bed?! Finally the definitive answer to this age old question is - drum roll please -

YES! (and no...)

Sorry, but there really are pros and cons to being with any size penis. Moreover, what's considered a pro or a con is generally up to the individual woman to decide on based on her preferences.

Well then, what's a guy to do? First find out which category your woman falls into...Woman can be split into two main groups - Those that like having her cervix stimulated (ie banged away at!) and those that do not. Not sure what a cervix is or where you can find it on a map? Go here for more information. Suffice to say that you can think of the cervix as the "door" at the end of the vaginal "tunnel." (Yes,there is an end to all vaginas!) And for all the well-endowed men reading this, you've probably hit the "door" with the tip of your penis many times in the past. When this happened, did your partner tense and yell "OUCH!" or did she tense and moan "Oohhhhh!"? You get the idea.

The cervix differs in sensitivity from woman to woman, and some women find it very painful when a penis starts ramming away at it. On the other hand, some woman absolutely adore this feeling and can achieve orgasm from this type of stimulation alone (though this is rather rare). Although some women do fall in the middle of this scale, usually it's clear whether she likes or dislikes deep penetration.

So, if you have a large penis (even average will usually do) and she enjoys her cervix hit, then your penis is perfectly large enough for her full enjoyment. Great!

If you have a smaller than average penis and she doesn't enjoy her cervix hit, then you shouldn't worry about needing a larger penis because she wouldn't like it anyway. Great!

However, here are some tips for those of you who don't fall into either of the above categories...

Techniques:

Problem: You're Too Big! (She says "ouch"!)

1. Go gently and don't push in all the way! (Obviously)
2. Put her on the bottom laying on her stomach with her legs closed. You enter her from behind. Because her legs are mostly closed the penis can't penetrate as deeply. However, her thighs provide a great deal of friction as the penis slides between them so no sensation is really lost for the man.
3. Any woman on top position. These are particularly good because she has complete control over how deep she wants you to go. It lets you just sit back and enjoy the ride without having to worry about hurting her.


4. Have her hold the base of your penis during penetration. Aside from the added intimacy, having her hand wrapped around the base of your penis as you thrust prevents you from going in all the way. And just like in #2, her hand continues to provide you with full-shaft sensations. Plus, this can be used in almost any position to help decrease the depth of penetration.

Problem: You're Too Small (She says "ooohhh" but you can't reach that far!)

1. Depending on how small you actually are, a simple change in position should do the trick to satisfy her desire for "Deeper! Please go Deeper!" One of the best positions is on her back with her legs raised, either holding her legs up with her hands behind her knees or placing her ankles on your shoulders if she is flexible enough. By tilting her hips forward and up, your penis can go deeper than in most other positions.


2. Doggy-style, the classic. This position isn't an all-star favorite for nothing! With her on all fours and you entering from behind, not only is the view great for you, but the your ability to penetrate deeply is greatly increased. Also, by varying her position slightly and lowering her upper body to the floor while keeping her hips up, she can help to adjust the depth of penetration to her liking. Arching her back downward will also help.


Still not deep enough? Then it's time to get really inventive!

The sex toy industry has thought of (almost) everything, so there really is no excuse for not enjoying yourself in bed...and you don't have to rely on drastic or risky measures such as surgery or strange herbal concoction. Why not just explore a bit and invite some new gadgets in to play?

For example, there are plenty of strap-on choices to peruse. No, no strap-ons aren't just what lesbians use in porn flicks, many of them have hollow inner tubes designed for men as well! I'm not going to go into it now, as this post is long enough, but if you're interested go here for some ideas!

Want More Sexual Position Ideas? Get a free copy of the Kama Sutra (with pictures) when you sign up for my free newsletter - Letters From Sexy...

Phew, I hope all this has helped and maybe given you a new perspective on the importance of penis size. Because it's not the size that matters...Oh wait, yes it is...

How to Seduce Your Lover with Compliments

In my life I've been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of many compliments. To most I've said "thank you," and then promptly forgotten them. Some I've held onto for a while because they've made me blush or laugh, but inevitably I've forgotten those too. However, I have received a certain few compliments that I'm sure I'll never forget. I'll use two from my college years as examples.

The first one was given to me by a homosexual guy (I'll explain why this is important later) at a party. We barely knew each other, and out of the blue he said, "You have perfect eyebrows." That's right, eyebrows! Interesting...

The second one was given to me by a middle-aged stranger. I was walking across campus, minding my own business, when he stopped me and said, "You know, you have excellent posture. I work for a magazine and see a lot of models, but you're stunning just naturally. I'm telling you this because it's not something anyone else would probably tell you, and I wanted you to know." Then, before I could really say anything in response, he walked away, and I've never seen him again.

So, what do these two compliments have in common that makes me remember them so vividly? Three Reasons.

Number One: They were given without an ulterior motive! Neither Homosexual Guy nor Middle-Aged Man were trying to hit on me. Clearly Homosexual Guy had no such agenda. And although I had my suspicions at first about Middle-Aged Man, he just left and never came back, so I took it as a real honest-to-goodness compliment. Because neither of these men wanted anything from me, and had no motivation to tell me these things other than because they just felt like it, I was taken completely off guard. Which brings me to my next reason.

Number Two: I was not expecting them! Even though you may not realize it, many of the compliments you give and receive are during times of expectation. It's the beginning of a date - "Wow you look great!" Or you've just stepped out of the shower - "Honey, you smell good enough to eat!" Yes, these compliments are nice, and probably sincere, but they're never going to leave a lasting impression simply because you could anticipate their arrivals.

Number Three: They were unique! People often equate uniqueness with a certain amount of creativity, but this is not always true. Giving a unique compliment to someone does not require an extra quick wit or sharp tongue by any stretch. All you have to do is find something about the person that you don't often see in others. In my Homosexual Guy example, he noticed my eyebrows. I was very happy with this because I kept them quite neat, and no one else had ever mentioned them. It was not a generic "You have nice eyes" (woo-hoo, like every female on the planet hasn't heard that one!) No, no...this was a part of my anatomy that was an attention virgin, and to this day my eyebrows are still loyal to Homosexual Guy because since that night, they haven't been complimented ever again.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to seduce your lover with kindness. Making them feel warm and gushy inside with help you feel warm and gushy outside. Got it? So instead of verbally fumbling around with their mental zippers, undress them with practiced finesse by incorporating these three elements into your compliment arsenal; honesty, surprise, and uniqueness.

Honesty - give the compliment without wanting anything in return (or at least seem that way, don't be SO obvious)!
Surprise - give the compliment when they are least expecting it - not during foreplay!
Uniqueness - Pick an unusual body part or characteristic to focus on - But for the love of Sex, don't pick the eyes!!

The Artistry of Erotic Photography at Home

If you haven't already noticed, I am in love with high-quality erotic photography, particularly female nudes. There's something about the graceful curve of a woman's breast, hip, or even shoulder that creamily blends together the carnal act of sex itself with the deeper, more profound emotions of making love. Being able to capture this delicious mixture on film (or in today's world in pixels!) is to me one of the best uses for photography.

But my love of erotic photography doesn't stop at mere admiration. I also enjoy producing it, in private and at home. One of the things I enjoy most is showing my husband the results of my little adventures into the lens. Watching him admire the pictures makes me feel sexy and desired. Instead of surfing the web to see "hot" pictures of meaningless, random women, all he has to do is open a file on our computer with the knowledge that those pictures were made just for him.

So, why am I telling you all this? Because I want to open you up to the possibility of doing the same for your lover. With a little creativity anyone can make beautiful photos at home. And while it's an incredibly rewarding experience to have your lover be the photographer, it is possible to do it all by yourself. All you need is;

• a camera (preferably digital)
• a full-length mirror
• some editing software. I use Google's Picasa because it's free and has some neat features to play around with during editing.

First, I decide which body part I want to focus on capturing. Then I imagine what the end result might look like (it never comes out exactly as I imagined, but I can get it pretty close). Next, I put on (or take off as the case may be) whatever I need to enhance the picture. Sometimes it's dark makeup or a particular piece of lingerie. Once I look the part, I set myself in front of the mirror and play around with the angles.

What looks good? What enhances and what detracts? How is the lighting, is it all behind or in front? Where are the shadows? If the lighting doesn't work well in one spot I take the mirror and move to another part of the house. When I am happy with that, I make sure the background is not too cluttered. I try to position myself against a blank wall if possible...but remember as you get more creative you might want to have certain props or textures behind you. This can get as complicated as you like!

Here is the really tricky part. After positioning myself in the mirror exactly as I desire, I face the camera towards me so that I can see the preview screen on the back of the camera reflected in the mirror. Most digital cameras have a preview screen. This way I can see just what the camera will be taking a picture of. It eliminates most of the guess work. Once I am content with what I see in the preview screen, I take the picture. Rarely does the first picture come out as I expected...so I make any necessary adjustments and try again, and again, and again. Eventually I get a series of pictures that I think will work once I put them through the editing process.

Now for some fun, editing! This is my favorite part of the process because I can take a good picture and make it great. Using the editing software, I play around with lighting, tinting, color, focus, cropping, and such until I end up with a high-quality (looking!) photo that I am proud of.

Viola, I now have my own erotic pictures that I can use to surprise the pants off my lover! If I enjoy this process so much, I'm sure that making your own collection will be just as rewarding.

...And yes, the picture above really is me...

Intriguing Your Lover...Again

My husband was as a Pirate for Halloween once. It was some of the best sex we've ever had.

One of the main reasons sex is so exciting in the beginning of any relationship is because your partner is a new experience for you. Humans not only enjoy, but seek out new experiences all the time. It's just part of who we are. And while this adventurous streak leads us to do things like use fire and invent the wheel, it also leads us to stray from our long term and otherwise happy relationships.

The good news is that providing novelty from time to time isn't as hard as it may seem. Depending on how observant your partner is, very small changes might be enough to add that little shimmer of something new. (For those of you who have not-so-observant partners you might have to hit them over the head with something more dramatic, something from the deeper crevices of your twisted imagination perhaps).

Maybe your man has never had sex with a blond before so you buy a cheap wig and surprise him, or maybe your girlfriend thinks that new cologne is particularly intriguing, or she's never seen you wear that color before. It really doesn't matter what the change is, as long as it's noticeable and out of character.

"Out of character? But they fell in love with me!" Yes, of course they did, and they still love you, don't worry. But shaking up the usual, whether it's clothing, hairstyle, makeup, or even the way you do a certain daily routine ("Honey, why are you getting out of bed so early? It's Saturday and you always sleep in...") will start to make your partner question just how well they actually know you. And this makes them curious about you, yes curious, something they probably haven't been for quite a while.

Now that they're curious, you have their attention, and once you have that the sparks will begin to fly all by themselves again. A word of warning, you must devise a little plan of attack at this point, because remember how easily bored we are? You have to do something to keep their attention! Little sexy hints are a great way. If you're typically not very affectionate, be sure to give a quick kiss to his/her neck before you sit down to dinner (a little swipe of the tongue wouldn't hurt either). The idea is to surprise, to throw your partner a little off balance. You know yourselves best, what could you do that would cause your lover's eyebrows to raise? Even learning a new word and casually throwing it in during a conversation could do the trick. It just depends on you as a couple.

But if you want all this preparation to lead to a passionate quickie on the counter, be sure to tantalize them with unexpected touches throughout. They don't even have to be particularly sexy touches...Put your hand on her back as you walk by, or accidentally brush against him. Each time you let yourself into your lover's private space it reminds them of your shared intimacy.

So, now that you've peaked your lover's curiosity, and secured their attention...Go ahead and take advantage of it. Your lover will enjoy conquering someone new, and you'll happily surrender yourself for the taking.

PS - This type of trickery is just below the wicked fun of all out role-play. Role playing works so well because it uses the foundational ideas of character manipulation and physical representation to remind lovers that everyone has multiple personalities. You may think you know your parter through and through, but given the right circumstances and the right motivation, everyone has their own set of endless, erotic surprises...But that's for another post.

Have Yourself A Sexy Little Christmas...How To Liven Up Those Holiday Parties!

I realize I have not posted much in the last week, but needless to say I have been quite busy with the impending holiday parties and such, so I apologize. I know you've missed me terribly...

All this holiday cheer has forced me to ask myself, have I been naughty or nice this year? This question often befuddles my little mind because I'm always both naughty and nice, and usually at the very same time! After all, doing all those 'naughty' things is what keeps the 'nice' things, like relationships, going right? Cut out the naughty, and you lose the nice!

Now that I have used the words 'naughty' and 'nice' at least five times each, you should definitely be in the Holiday Spirit! Keeping with that, here are just a couple spicy ideas for you to consider during the next egg-nog filled days...

For Those of You with Male Partners:

Candy Cane Surprise

• During one of the duller party moments, grab a candy cane off that tree, catch his eye from across the room, and treat him to a little candy-cane-licking show. If done right, he should be by your side and carting you away to the nearest coat closet or rest room in no time! The left over peppermint in your mouth will be sure to leave him tingling for more.

For Those of You with Female Partners:

Secret Santa

• Before you head out for the night, slip a little note into her coat/jacket/pants pocket for her to discover sometime during your night out. This works best if she tends to keep her jacket or coat on during parties. The note should contain only two instructions. The first is for her to go to the bathroom and remove her underwear as soon as she finds the note. The second is for her to meet you in the parking lot at midnight (or whatever time you think best). Sign the note from "Your Secret Santa." At the specified time meet her in the parking lot and proceed to have your way with her in the backseat of your car! This plan has all the trappings of a great seduction; surprise, suspense, mystery, and of course, the naughtiness of having sex right outside the party! For a perfect ending make sure you go back inside and pretend like nothing happened. Sharing that secret encounter will surely make the rest of the party memorable!
  

For Anyone:

Daring Mistletoe

• Every party seems to have that boring mistletoe above the entrance doorway under which we all have to give that boring compulsory peck of a kiss. Well this year, why not let yourself go a little? Grab your partner in front of the festive onlookers and give him/her a kiss to remember! (Bonus points if you include some groping!) The way I see it, your partner can react two ways; they either love it so much that they drag you back outside just to do it all over again, or they become quietly furious with embarrassment and stomp away. Either way the party just got a little more entertaining!

There you have it! My wickedly naughty ideas that will save you from another season of dull parties. I hope you try at least one of them, and above all...Have a Sexy Holiday!!!

Misunderstandings of Affection

Hugging, caressing, kissing...These things are done as a warm-up to more profound sexual festivities, Right? But these things are also done for the sake of just doing said things...Right? If you answered yes to both questions, you can stop reading now. Congratulations, you must have perfect relationships. For the rest of us, I'd like to clear up a few things about affectionate acts. To begin, these supposedly lesser forms of sex play are often attributed to the needs of women. As a rule, it appears that women are thought to enjoy these aspects of sexuality just as much, if not more so, than the act of intercourse itself. Women tend to equate the amount of affection given and received as being directly proportional to the amount of love felt between partners. It is no surprise then, that when in a long term relationship, women often complain that their significant others are not as "loving" as they once were. They argue that the only time their lovers display these cuddling behaviors anymore is when something more is desired - i.e. "I am hugging you now in the hopes that you will want to have sex with me in ten minutes!" Women, on the other hand, want these hugs just for the sake of hugging. They don't want an ulterior motive to get one, and they certainly don't need an ulterior motive to give one! After all, to women hugs are love, not sex.

However, confusion often prevails when these signals are misunderstood, and many couples find that bestowing upon or receiving affection from their beloved becomes a battlefield over meaning. The stages of battle typically go something like this, using hugs as the example:

1. Man and Woman Give Hugs for Different Reasons
2. After time both understand that Her Hugs are just Hugs and His Hugs are for Sex
3. Woman stops Giving Hugs so as not to lead Man on, Woman starts rejecting Hugs when not in mood for Sex
4. End Result: Not Many Hugs! Man feels Rejected, Woman feels Unloved

Because none of these (mis)understandings about the interplay of affection are verbally discussed, this battle is continually waged in silence by both sides...unfortunately ending in complete defeat, with neither side the victor. Now I do realize that in the above example, there is the question...if the man understands that the woman's hugs are not for sex, then why does the woman stop hugging? The man will not take her hugs as having any more significance than the act itself. Nonetheless, in reality she does stop hugging because she doesn't know that he knows that she is hugging just to be affectionate. She only knows that she knows that his hugs mean sex. Yes, it's the classic, "she doesn't know that he knows that she knows that he knows" and so forth into infinity.

The simple solution to this affection confusion would be for the couple to TALK to each other about it. And although it seems easy and painfully obvious, most couples don't. In fact, most couples seem to prefer to avoid the tensions surrounding their lack of affection completely, content to wander around each other in a haze of quiet anger and befuddlement until finally the chasm is so wide between them that they seek professional outside help. While on the proverbial couch the man wonders why she shrugs out of his arms every time he tries to get close (especially in the instances where he has figured out she likes hugs for hugs and is trying to be a good partner by hugging her without wanting sex...just like he thinks she wants. This is compounded by the fact that the lack of affection in the first place makes him feel distant emotionally so he tries to bridge the gap with a physical act...typical of men by the way...thus trying to hug her even more!) The woman wonders why she no longer feels like spontaneously hugging her partner, yet at the same time longs for the abundance of affection typical of burgeoning relationships. Both partners feel estranged and have no idea why, often assuming they have fallen out of love with each other, and if the problem persists long enough, they separate.

Although easily avoidable, this is a common pattern within relationships. The (mis)understanding and (mis)use of affection can be linked to a diverse array of relational problems. Once, however, this pattern is recognized by both parties, they can easily find a level of affection that is agreeable to both, as well as decide upon other, perhaps more distinct behaviors, that signal "this is just because I love you" and "this is because I want to have sex with you," thus alleviating the confusion and allowing for more positive and consistent displays of affection.

Now for the kicker from my politically correct feminist side: I have purposefully used the stereotypical male and female roles in this article in order to make the misunderstandings regarding affection within a loving partnership easier to understand. However, these misunderstanding can happen in ANY couple, regardless of which genders are involved. There can just as easily be a man who likes hugs for the sake of hugs, as a woman who uses hugs as a signal for sex. I do not believe all women need high levels of affection, or that they enjoy these behaviors more than intercourse itself, and vice versa for men.

Question for Today - None. Thanks for Reading!